Birth of a Dynasty


[ Office, night. Three children on the futon, facing the wall. Mom at the computer, spamming F5 to get a semi-difficult word out of the random word generator. The kids look weary, but there’s much on the line: a grudge match between the eldest two siblings in the district spelling bee, and a chocolate prize for whoever makes it through 3 practice rounds without touching, insulting or otherwise harming another contestant. ]

MOM: Contestant #1, your word is “ascended”.

C#1: Huh? Like a-s-s-ended as in b-u-t-t-ended?

MOM: No, like ascended the stairs. Went up the stairs.

C#1: Why can’t they just say went up the stairs?

MOM: This is a spelling bee, not a thesaurus bee.

C#1: (clicks tongue) Whatever. A-s-s-e-n-d-e-d.

MOM: That is incorrect. Contestant number —

C#1: Incorrect, but funnier.

MOM: Dude. Contestant #2, your word is “continue.”

[C#2 — the youngest — who spelled “parses” correctly last round even though he still doesn’t know what it means, straightens his spine, clears his throat and conjures an angelic, almost pious look] Two plus two equals pie.

[C#1 rolls his eyes, C#3 laughs. Mom dons a long-suffering  look, wondering how young the game show host college accepts applications, and moves on.]

MOM: Combatant #3, your word is “unnecessary.”

C#3: Oh my GOD I can never spell this word. I always type “unnecess-scary.”

MOM: Suck it up, soldier.

C#3: [makes snotty face] Unnecessary. W…t…f. Unnecessary.

[C’s # 1 & 2 laugh, Mom lowers chin to give C#3 that look.]


2 Responses

  1. OMG… can I come live at your house? I’d fit right in.

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