Thursday Thirteen #22

Thursday Thirteen #22, American Idol Edition

Thirteen Reasons You Ain’t Goin’ To LA

  1. If your costume makes the baby Jesus cry, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  2. If the short-bus driver still has a restraining order against you, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  3. If only prostitutes “love your voice long time”, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  4. If we have a hard time determining your gender, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  5. If there’s a sack of body parts in your pocket, you ain’t goin’ to… Well, wait. I guess you’re goin’ to LA.

  6. If your father forces you to keep your penis on a chain around your neck, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  7. If your singing voice improves by the insertion of straws into your nostrils, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  8. If you’re not this guy, you ain’t goin to LA:

    Chris Watson, courtesy of AmericanIdol.com

  9. If I would rather have an Oldsmobile driven through my spleen — or, alternately, floss my teeth with Simon’s chest hair — than listen to you sing, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  10. If William Hung sees more action than your front temporal lobe, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  11. If Middle America learns the meaning of “tranny mess” during your audition, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  12. If any part of your anatomy has been dyed a primary color and you feel a compelling urge to show it to us, you ain’t goin’ to LA.

  13. If your breasts are bigger than your head — and this is especially true for men — you ain’t goin’ to LA.

[blenza_autolink: tt]

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3 Responses

  1. AI has been a popular TT subject this week. Happy TT.

  2. LOL! I’m a little afraid to contemplate some of these. 🙂

  3. This makes me think my decision to watch hockey and read my odd little fantasy book was a wise one. Yowch.

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