The Lessons Of DOOM

Trying to write while surviving my children’s first day of vacation, I issued THE THREAT. You know the one, where you say, “Find something to do or I’ll find you something to do.”

Now, normally this works because they know I’ll make them clean up after themselves. God forbid, right? But only the older two ran for their lives this time, leaving me with an eight year old boy awaiting instruction.

Wanting very much to get back to the big fat expo dump I’m trying to smooth out, I decided to toss him an empathic exercise. I said, “Go write me a book.”

“About what?” Blink, blink. Cute, cute.

I think about what he likes for a minute, and decide he should write a fanfic piece about Naruto, since he and his sister are way into anime-ish type things. And of course I’m so :censor:ing sick of Bionicle, I dared not say the word.

I was left in peace for a while. I’m not sure how long. Then the boy reappears, giggling (omg you should hear this kid’s giggle — it’s outrageous), and I am presented with a work entitled, “The Book of Entertainment DOOM”.

The inset is a big sign that says KEEP OUT, and I’m going hey, good hook. Tell me to keep out of something, and you know I’m charging in. So I turn the page, and there’s a big monster scratching a needle across a record, saying “Hello? Can’t you read a sign?”

Here’s the sad part. I was thinking no fair, man. He doesn’t have a backstory, and no expo, lucky brat. Maybe I should try that next time so I don’t have to perform major expo-suction procedures. One writing lesson learned from my eight-year-old. I am not smarter than a second grader.

Anyway, the next several pages are a bunch of crazy monster pictures, and then we reach the climax where it says, “We apologize for the madness. Those responsible will be sacked repetitively.”

Note the parenting lesson: Way too much Holy Grail being watched.

Next we had a cultural vocabulary confusion lesson where it became quite obvious the boy had no idea what was meant by “sacked”. I’d explained to him a few weeks ago that “sacked” meant “fired”, and apparently further clarification was needed, for the next few pages depicted monsters being “repeatedly sacked” by a Sonic character with a ray gun and left in neat piles so, and I quote, “They’ll be easier to sack again.”

So. That was my day. Now I’m watching Project Runway re-runs and still working on the expo issue. What are y’all doing?

Back tomorrow with the bi-weekly quiz. Au Revoire.

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