…And I’m Home Alone

Sort of.

‘Twas the day after school starts and up in this house,
a creature is sitting on top of my mouse.
His cohorts are stalking the food dish with care
in hopes that some cat food will soon appear there.

The children are captive all day at their school
where the teachers are mean and the bullies are cruel.
With el Jeffe at work, and myself home alone,
I’m ready to write, praying no one will phone.

But out on the road there is all sorts of clatter —
a loader is working. I couldn’t be madder.
I go to the window, preparing to curse,
“Shut up or I’ll beat you to death with my purse!”

But the driver won’t listen to a word that I’ve said,
So I mutter and give him the finger instead.
When, what to my horrified ears should appear,
But a deafening brawl going on someplace near.

With their little cat paws, so lively and quick,
They’re flopped on their sides, the better to kick.
More stubborn than mules they delight in this game,
So I take a deep breath, and call them by name;

“No Booger! No, Magi! I’m trying to write!
I need peace and quiet, not a :censor:-ing cat fight!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Just go away! Go away! Go away all!”

As dry leaves, the fur it continues to fly,
Until one of the brats takes a scratch to the eye.
So straight up the curtains those miscreants flew,
Leaving rips and snags and a claw mark or two.

And then, in a twinkling, from behind the TV,
Comes the hacking and hawking of cat number three.
As I clutch my own skull, and I’m turning around,
Paganini throws up with the classic “gak” sound.

He has puked up some fur — his usual trick.
I swear he just loves to be noisily sick.
The kids would be sad if I shoot him, I think,
But this home alone crap could soon drive me to drink.

…Yeah. I’ll be at this all morning if I don’t stop. I’m off to write — or shoot cats. Hard to say.

Wish me luck.


2 Responses

  1. :holybah: you need a :hemi:

    :gowrite: :cheer:

    have I mentioned I love these smilies? :teehee:

  2. OMG!!!! I’m LMAO!!!! :notwrthy: That totally rocks. I know EXACTLY what you mean.
    I have three dogs and they are NOT quiet while the kids are at school. :whine: But no one will let me kill them. They look at me and….. :feint:

    :popcorn: waiting to see what happens in Emmatyville next

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