Thursday 13

Thirteen Annoying Cat Behaviors I’ve Witnessed in the Last 24 Hours (and their excuses)

    1. Good Water Hunting: We are unable to drink ‘tame’ water from our bowl. The ‘wild’ variety dripping from a faucet or scooped from a glass is infinitely preferable. Fished from the bathtub while child humanoid is still in it? Even better.

    2. Crash Testing: Mach three is great until you run out of room and hit the china cabinet full speed. The boom you hear is one of us breaking the sound barrier. The crashing and shattering that follow are only your imagination.

    3. Stair trolling: None shall pass without having their ankles grabbed and clawed. It’s just a flesh wound. Suck it up.

    4. Coquetry: The adult male humanoid servant shouldn’t desert us for work when faced with such blatant guilt mongering.

    5. Mouse Sitting: One must plant one’s ass on the she-slave’s computer mouse so she cannot blog until we’ve been fed.

    6. Valet “Service”: Towel fringe. Dangling sleeves. Wiggling socks. All must be attacked lest the humanoid children make it to the bus on time.

    7. Jailbreak Attempts: So spoiled we can’t take it anymore, it is imperative to attempt escape when the children are on their way out, never mind that it’s bloody cold out there, the snow is twenty times deeper than we are tall, and we’ve never been beyond the front steps. We are intrepid.

    8. Drape Diving: The top of the piano is the best place from which to leap and dig one’s claws into the drapes. A running start from the couch yeilds the greatest swinging potential. And the she-slave hits the high notes in her screams when we do this.

    9. Humidifier Squatting: No place better to take a bath than on top of the humidifier. It makes strange noises, especially when we stick our paws down there to get at the moving parts. Of course, no actual bathing shall occur unless caught in the act by a humanoid. Then we must bathe our stomachs indignantly.

    10. Lego Hockey: It’s not our fault humans can’t see them in the dark.

    11. Refrigerator Spelunking: There’s food and cow mana in there. When the door opens, we jump in. If the humanoid tries to drag us out, we simply navigate to the back wall and flatten ourselves against it like pelts. A bit chilly, but highly entertaining.

    12. Extreme Defoliation: All house plants must be eaten down to the dirt. It’s our job, and we take it very seriously.

    13. Human Rustling: Get all up in their feet. If we can separate one from the herd, they might feed us.

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2 Responses

  1. omg, too damn funny.

    Emma, darling, we need to talk about your smilies. I NEEEEED that roflmao smilie, really. Let’d get together this weekend, avoid our WIP’s and get you some killer smilies. Deal?

  2. Deal. I am such a noob. Help me.

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